S.E.X.:
The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide
to Get You Through High School and College
My
copy of Heather Corinna's book arrived shortly after
our return from Vancouver
but I've been plowing through a novel backlog and
only got around to reading it over the past few days.
There are so many things to recommend this book aimed
at youth 16 - 22 (but containing info valuable to
a much wider age range) that it's difficult to know
where to begin. S.E.X. contains a lot of the
information you find in guides aimed at a young readership
- anatomy lessons, safer sex guidelines, a breakdown
of birth control options, definitions of various sexual
activities and infections. The difference here is
Heather Corinna's (who as the founder of the world's
most awesome sex ed site, Scarleteen,
has seen and heard it all) dedication to tugging the
rest of society closer to her dream of a world where
everyone is “healthy, happy and whole in themselves
and their sexuality: in body, heart, and mind.”
To that end the book is truly inclusive.
In a section on sexual identity Corinna points out
that “this isn't the gay chapter” and indeed
the book doesn't assume a heterosexual default the
way many do - or root itself in traditional gender
roles. Nor does it assume that sex is better when
connected with love or marriage. The emphasis is unfailingly
on communication, being as safe as possible, respecting
your own and others' boundaries and fitting sex into
the rest of your life in a healthy and enjoyable way.
The slant seems so balanced and logical
that it's a wonder society at large is in such a mess
when it comes to sex and sexuality. But popular culture
with its constant projection of a hyper-sexuality
which is unvarying and prescriptive (dictating what
sort of bodies we should have, the kinds of activities
we should be engaging in and who should be performing
them - and how) would seem to be the enemy of this
logic. To counter these negative messages and arrive
at a healthy body image, Heather suggests reducing
TV watching and binning your fashion magazines, noticing
the diversity around you in your everyday life, focusing
on things other than appearance and concentrating
on physical activities you enjoy (whether that be
team sports, canoeing, whatever).
Of course there's a lot of sex in this
book and sexual activities are catalogued along with
their pregnancy and STI risk. You'll learn that the
idea that female virgins are supposed to be “tight”
is pure myth. “A woman having first intercourse
very well might be tight, but that is likely due more
to nervousness, fear, and anxiety than it is to whether
or not she has had partnered sex before.” If
a woman's relaxed, aroused and lubricated enough with
a patient partner first-time sex doesn't need to be
painful. The idea of premature ejaculation is “a
bit bogus” too. There's no “minimum time
that is acceptable for erection” and sexual activity
can continue in other ways afterwards. There's no
reason that all (or any) of the fun has to spring
from penetration.
Unfortunately, not at all sex is consensual
and S.E.X. also discusses healing from abuse
and rape. “One-half of all rape victims are raped
between the ages of fourteen and seventeen.”
Roughly a third of “high-school and college students
has experienced sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional
violence in dating relationships.”
As adults, we don't do near enough honest
talking about these issues. How can we expect young
people to deal with the rampant sexual assumptions
and expectations, misinformation and pressure created
by living in a society that on the one hand tells
them sex is something serious and special to save
for later while simultaneously drowning them in images
that promote the very opposite? Confusing? Yeah, enough
to make your head explode.
If everyone read, digested and lived
by the philosophies espoused in this book our sexual
problems would be a thing of the past. So let's get
started, do your mind and body a favour and read S.E.X.,
then recommend it to someone else.
If you want to get a better idea of
the kind of information and approach you'll find in
the guide check out Scarleteen
(a completely independent site with no federal, state
or local funding...so if you have some $ to spare
they would very much appreciate your donations).
Scarleteen Links:
First Intercourse 101
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Condom Basics: A User's Manual
Sexual Health 101: His
Sexual Health 101: Hers
Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (Or, How
To Come Out of The Closet Without Tripping on the
Laundry)
Safer Sex For Your Heart
